Jennifer (slwmtiondaylite) wrote,

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Lies in Silence - Afterword

by SlwMtionDaylite



And that is the end.

And this is where I explain some things. Reveal some things.

I’ve always viewed this story as a very internal one. Yes, there is a very big event going on, an event that Uhura is unwittingly a part of, but I’ve never imagined it as her REAL journey. Her journey, in my mind, was finding the strength within herself, to stand up for herself. Did she succeed? Did she fail? Did something miraculous happen just before the end? Did she really kill Spock or just render him unconscious? I’ll let you decide that.

Spock was a very difficult character to write, I’ll admit that. I knew where I was trying to go with his story, but when the story is told in such a narrow and biased perspective, it was sometimes difficult to show his journey, which I think is very internal, as well.

I always knew that Spock would not escape. He would not get off the planet. His very nature, his inability to fight the Empire, to make a decision—until it’s too late—controlled him. I always knew that he would either stay behind or he would die. Either way, he wasn’t going to go off into the proverbial sunset with Uhura. That had already been decided. He’s doomed. A Fallen and Tragic Hero. So, why did he attempt the impossible and try to help her escape, if he knew it was destined for failure? To be honest, he wasn’t thinking. I think that is the first moment where Spock acts completely on emotion. I’ve imagined him loving Uhura for quite some time in this story. And here he was, being forced to execute her, a moment where he was finally forced to choose once and for all. Does he blindly follow orders and pull the trigger or does he not? He doesn’t think. He reacts. He shoots the man who’d been a subject of great agony, of great horror in a moment of passion, hatred. And, yes, love.

But he acts and doesn’t think of the consequences. There’s no way out. No escape.

He could have been destined to greatness, I think. But he fell victim to his own fears. Fears he eventually voiced. Without the security of his position within Starfleet, where would he be?

Some plot points aren’t touched on, aren’t explained. And they won’t be. That’s done on purpose. This story was written with such a narrow perspective, a stream of consciousness first person narrative. Uhura doesn’t know everything going on. And she never will. She only knows what she’s seen and what she’s heard. And what she’s told. And she wasn’t told everything. And then, everything she sees and hears is colored by her own perspective, her own twisted and broken mind. Where she thought Spock was trying to trap her, he was trying to save her. Where she saw prospective salvation in the form of Robau, there was another spider web of entrapment and lies to escape.

But I wanted this story to be Nyota’s. I wanted the reader to feel what she was feeling, to know what she knew. If I were to explain everything, it might take away from that. So I won’t. That doesn’t mean that I don’t know what was going on. I do. But Nyota didn’t.

And the story is probably not perfect. In fact, I know it’s NOT perfect. There are some issues with it. Will I go back and address them, fix them? Maybe. But, realistically, probably not any time soon. If ever.

And what about my other unfinished stories? I’ll be truthful and say, I’m not sure when I’ll get back to those. (I do know, through my sketching of the plot, there’s some issues that need to be worked on with both stories [Engulfment and Mes-torik T’khiori] before I can finish them.) Perhaps one day. But for now, I want to try my hand at an original novel idea that’s been bugging me for quite some time. So for now, my attention will be focused on that.
Tags: .full length - lies in silence
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